I Thought
it was the biggest…
In 2018 I directed (and edited) a music video for Anderson .Paak for his major label debut “Bubblin”. The story of how it all came together needs it own post on here, maybe I’ll write about that down the line. But anywho at the time it was the most impressive and produced music video I had done. It was basically my coming out party as a director on a mainstream level and definitely played (and still plays) a huge part in me getting commercial work. At the time I thought it was the best music video out and that was confirmed NOT true when the VMA nominees were announced and it wasn’t listed. The only silver lining was that another video I directed (and edited) for Dej Loaf and Leon Bridges had been nominated for the category “Video With a Message”. I was grateful but I was up against “This Is America” and “God’s Plan” so I knew that wasn’t happening, but I decided to fly to NY to to experience the awards show as an official nominee.
The only thing I could think about when I was there was how much better “Bubblin” was than every video that was nominated that night, except “This Is America”. Especially in the hip hop category. Drake, Nicki, Jay-Z and Beyoncé and The Migo’s had been nominated, their videos were just okay so my sodium filled side eyes was directed directly at J. Cole’s “ATM” music video. Mainly because the theme of the video was sort of similar to ours but in my opinion ours was done way better and name of his song was ATM and our video heavily featured an ATM. Objectively ours had more of the elements that were “award worthy” but what I had to remember was the way that award shows work and that J. Cole was simply the bigger artist… at that time.
I had an extra ticket to the award show so I invited the homie Kacie Lynch of Bricks and Wood which was actually the first time we meet and he probably didn’t realize but I was pissed the whole night. I was really on the verge of having them nervous breakdowns that Kanye was talking about. “Damn, is these niggas really better than me?” I went from feeling like it was the best Hip Hop video to being mad that it didn’t get nominated for Video Of The Year. Objectively it lowkey was! After watching “This Is America” win every award I remember telling myself “man the only reason they winning all these awards is because it’s the biggest song.”
God definitely got a crazy sense of humor because fast forward 365 days and I’m back at the VMA’s but this time I’m here with NINE nominations including Best Direction (and Best Editing) for “Old Town Road” which til this day is lowkey the biggest song ever. So I’m back here and now I’m the thing I hated on the most. But I guess my theory was wrong because we only won two out of the nine awards. The rest went to Taylor Swift and I remember sitting there pissed AGAIN with that same feeling from the year before, like “Man the only reason she winning all these awards is because she’s the biggest artist.”
Fast forward to July 2024 a week or so after Kendrick releases the video for Not Like Us I meet with Dave Free at the pgLang offices so that I could hear “squabble up” for the first time. As he gave me a tour of the new space we came across a few trophies that they’d recently won. A few Clios a few Grammys and a few MTV joints. I remember playing around fake bragging to Dave like “I see you, but you ain’t the only one with trophies I got a few of those myself!” And he was like “Oh yeah, you do!” Then I replied like “yeah man that’s my boy but I can’t have my only MTV awards and Grammy’s be with Lil Nas X!” we both laughed.
Before “squabble up” premiered I was nervous. I had every intrusive imposter syndrome ass thought there was. Is this video too artsy? Is anyone not from LA going to understand it? Did I drop the ball on arguably the most anticipated hip hop song ever? But when it came out and was received with open arms I knew I had had one. Not only did I make something with my favorite artists of all time at the height of his career but I trusted my gut and executed an idea that was from the heart and it worked! (It was lowkey this manifested.) So in my head this was the one. Moonman here I come. I’m looking around like ain’t nobody dropping music yet alone music videos at this time so it’s a wrap I got this. I’m already imaging my red carpet fit, thinking about press and interviews I’m going to do. I remember checking daily to see if anything was dropping that could compete. I remember Tyler teased a music video for “Sticky” and I was like damn that might be the one, but it never came out! At this point the only person that can top Kendrick is Kendrick himself so I’m sweating bullets because how Dave and Kendrick roll they prolly secretly filming six music videos at once right now and no one would ever know. But after weeks and weeks of silence the coast was clear, I was good… Until month number five, I woke up to the group chat going crazy over a new Kendrick video. “luther”.
So without reading the text reviews of the video I hopped in the living room to watch this thing on the big screen. 45 seconds in, I’m thinking this is cool for the song, but… it ain’t no “squabble up”! But as the video continues it gets better and better, and then I seent that Directed by Karena Evans, chef’s kiss. Then I remembered… this the biggest song at this time…with the biggest artist(s). Fuck! My spidey senses was right only Kendrick can compete with Kendrick. So now I’m creating all kinds of excuses. “Okay maybe this is technically an R&B song, they not going to put this in the Hip Hop category right?” “squabble up” is the perfect song to play on MTV coming back from commercial break right, they wouldn’t miss that opportunity”. I finally had to come to terms and stand face to face with the one thing that could potentially get in the way of me getting my ego awarded.
And then one day as I was doing all these weird ass math equations to validate my chances it hit me, “Not Like Us” wasn’t nominated for last year’s VMA’s. Well it was for “Song of The Summer” but that’s because at the time that VMA’s were putting together nominees last year only the song had came out. The video didn’t come out until after the 2024 eligibility period so technically it qualifies to be nominated this year. Fuck. Me. But hold on it’s been more than a year, people are over it right? “luther” been #1 forever, visuals from “squabble up” are memes all over tik tok. We on to the next right? Wrong.
The day the nominations dropped. I ain’t gone lie I was lowkey hurt. 10 nomination all for Not Like Us! I’m like damn, we couldn’t get that Best Art direction nom?! Best editing?! Nothing?! All bad. Now I’m back to that same ass excuse, “Man the only reason it’s nominated for all these awards is because it’s the biggest…” you get the point.
But after watching the awards last night and seeing how out of sync they are (how was “luther” not nominated for song of the year?) let’s me further know there ain’t no rhyme or reason to how these things work. “Not Like Us” only won one award so my theory don’t hold up at all. Lol. There so much politics and business decisions that go into these awards and thats just the irrational nature of the beast. I mean they played “squabble up” whenever they mentioned Kendrick for any non video award but no noms, so that was interesting but ultimately I gotta remember that no award is objectively correct… except whenever I win ; )
And look, clearly my tone would be different if I had gotten nominations, but I’m unlearning the concept that awards mean everything. I mean Busta Rhymes and Mariah Carey just got their FIRST Mtv awards last night. Wtf?! The real award to me was being able to put a culture that’s near and dear to me on one of the biggest platforms. I worked with one of my childhood friends RJRMLA. I got to put well deserving people on the map. I put my son in the video. I got the biggest artists in the world holding up the Jesus Saves Gangsters Too! sign that I’ve been seeing my guy on Crenshaw hold up every Sunday since I was a kid. One of my favorite lines from Dot is “I know if I’m generous at heart I dont need recognition// The way I’m rewarded— well that’s God’s decision”
With that being said. Fingers crossed for The Grammys? Lol
-Cal
It be like that!
do you create with an audience in mind? i’m asking because it seems like you only value your work if it’s awarded and yes to an extent getting accolades does contribute to one’s success but i get the sense that you only value your creativity if it’s awarded (i mean no disrespect i’m just curious about your thought on this i think you’re good at what you do ,i’m not a hater i promise)